October 25, 2010

There are times when regrouping and contemplation are the best things we can possibly do for ourselves... Yes, I heard that snort all the way over here. Trust me, I don't have the time to lay everything I'm doing down and stare off into space until it all clicks into gear either. I've noticed that "being my own boss" while being my only employee is a juggling act with very interesting consequences when the balls drop. Depending on what hat I'm wearing at the time no one but me may even notice that one of them got away and no one but me may understand how terrible the fact that it did is for my plans. I only regret that the not noticing issue doesn't apply when I can't fit laundry or dishes into my schedule... Ah well, wishful thinking. I'm sure everyone out there understands this whole concept on at least one level and probably on five or six. I'm also sure everyone knows how tempting it is to set some of those less understood balls down until a "better time" comes along to work them back in. I'm battling that right now. I have to say, the timing is odd. I'm still thrilled with how Clyde... came out, but it's almost like bringing her into the world kicked off a sort of "baby-blues". "Excitement" is having trouble making it through "over-whelmed".
I spent the weekend really weighing my options, and had you been around the house you would have seen exactly how grouchy THAT made me. Take pity on my family! Then I sat down at my desk this morning trying to figure out what the heck to write here. I was glaring around thinking snarky thoughts and, wonder of wonders, my squinty little eyes fell on the silly tiara Scott and the boys got me for my birthday last year. Epiphany cascade! Here it is translated from brain speech into English 1) I am not trying to save the world, I'm trying to make myself a better person. 2) I cannot make myself a better person if I'm making myself miserable by trying to do more than I really can. It's counter productive. 3) I'm the one holding the psychological whip. 4) I can stop whipping myself anytime I want. 5) Now would be a good time.
Gotta love the feeling of "I'm such a doofus" that happens when you realize you're doing something dumb. Needless to say, I put the whip down. I'm trying something a little different this week - and probably next week and definitely any other week that I feel the need. I'm On My Way to an Accomplishment List for Friday. No goals to flog myself to fit in with everything else I need to do - although I do have some things in mind to check out. Just me enjoying the scenery on my chosen path for a change. If I'm not careful this might even feel like a (gasp) vacation! I'll share my travel log with you on Friday - it'll be nice to see what happens when I just wander for a change!