February 21, 2011

I've been trying to figure out what to write here since I opened my mail on Saturday and got a notice from my bank. The check from Borders (which I dropped in the night deposit box while running errands the day before I read that Borders filed for bankruptcy) bounced. This cost me the printing price for the books, the profit I would have made from sales, $10.00 in bank fees - and that's leaving out the gas, food and pretty much an entire days worth of my time in travel and signing that I knew I would have to eat when I scheduled it. (By the way, my friend Theresa is also in this boat although she has not received her check yet so at least hasn't had to pay the bank fee) This comes right before I have to pay my distributor their set up and proof copy fees, order books for an upcoming event (which has a table fee too), pay the entry fee for the Writer's Digest Self-Published Book Awards, meet two deadlines for contests (entry fees), and figure out how to pay for the West Virginia Writer's Conference. Each thing on the second list should be something that I'm looking forward to enough to go on a loose change hunt through the house if necessary. Each one is a new chance to take the next step, fund the next stage, introduce my characters to new people... and I have $27.80 in lost money making me ask myself "Why bother?". I'm an awfully small fish swimming in these wordy waters - if the big guys can't come up with that kind of chump change to pay me, what makes me think a distribution channel is going to be a good use of my very limited funds? Maybe I should just wait out the upheaval and use my savings to buy a much needed couch instead - I'd still be doing my part to invest back into the economy after all. AND I'd probably be better off monetarily in the long run too.

Not to be melodramatic, but this is how dreams get lost and die of starvation people.

As for what I'm On My Way To this week. I think it's time to take a good hard look at where I am and where I want to be. If the path I'm on no longer connects the two then it's time to choose a different one. Isn't that just funny too, since this blog is supposed to make me stick to the plan I came up with in the first place! Ah well, adapt of go extinct - I definitely prefer adapting. I'll be back on Friday to let you know if standing on my head changes the view for the better or not. Here's hoping your way is more well lit and has fewer tripping hazards this week!
(Note on picture: I'm hoping I can figure out how to stretch out from under the leaves I've got blocking my sunshine too.)